Mission Improbable, But Not Impossible
by takaondo
Summary: Who knew going to the store was going to be so hard? But then again, he was the boyfriend of Kuchiki Rukia... and Renji didn't make it any easier... Crackish One-Shot Implied IchiRuki


Disclaimer: Don't own BLEACH.

Here's a cracky random one-shot I wrote for the heck of it. The characters are kinda OOC due to it's randomness. Anyways, I hope you enjoy it.

May contain spelling errors and implications that younger readers may not understand.

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_**Mission Improbable, But Not Impossible **_

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His cell phone rang, the horrible Chappy attachment making him scowl as he took it from his pocket. 

"Oi, Rukia?"

The red head next to him turned to him curiously.

"Ask her what's for dinner-"

"I'm on the phone idiot - No wait - I didn't mean you!"

Ichigo sent Renji a scowl before turning back to his cell phone.

"Yeah, we're heading back right now… you want us to drop by the store?"

There was more chattering on the other side of the phone as Renji placed his head closer to the cell phone.

"What do you want us to pick – WHAT!?" Ichigo yelled, surprising Renji slightly.

His eye seemingly bulged from his head.

"Stop telling me the sizes – what do you mean – I DON'T CARE IF THEY'RE ON SALE!" Ichigo yelled, his face heating up.

Renji stared at the carrot top, which at the moment seemed to be a ticking time bomb.

"You go buy them your – what do you mean I don't get dinner if I don't go!" He yelled hysterically.

The chattering continued.

"Wait! Rukia-"

Louder chattering was heard.

"RUKIA!"

A dial tone was heard; Ichigo face seemed to pale as he held the cell phone next to his ear, seemingly frozen in time. Renji snapped his fingers several times in front of his face before Ichigo blinked several times, seemingly regaining consciousness

"What did Rukia want?" Renji asked, as Ichigo calmly put his cell phone back into his pocket. He slowly turned to Renji, a look of defeat on his face.

"She wants something that _I_ can't possibly get." Ichigo said with a sigh.

"It's to be expected." Renji started with a grin. "Since you are _her_ boyfriend."

Ichigo sent him a threatening look.

"Shut up."

Soon enough, they found themselves in front of the store. Ichigo stared at the doors, seemingly unable to decide if he was going to enter or not. Renji, however, stared at him in slight annoyance.

"Why'd you drag me along?" Renji muttered as Ichigo continued to stare at the sliding doors.

"..." Ichigo only grunted in reply, his eyes moving as he watched the doors open and close again.

"Well, I'm going to leave then – OOF!" He grunted as Ichigo quickly grabbed his collar and made a mad dash through the door. The both tumbled in front of the main counter, bashing against the wooden desk with a dull thud.

"Oi, what the hell was that-"

Ichigo held up his finger, silencing him as he peeked his head around the corner. His eyes glanced the signs adorning the tops of each aisle.

"Aisle 9…" He whispered, slowly moving as if he were being watched. Renji sighed as he followed; whatever was going on, Ichigo seemed pretty high strung. They soon moved into the target isle.

Ichigo stopped, his eyes wide as he stood in front of the shelves.

"Dude…" Renji said as he walked up next to him. His own eyes were wide as he stared at all the items. "There are more choices to choose from here then that Starbucks we went to."

Ichigo nodded dumbly. Renji spoke up again, staring at the contents.

"I can't believe she made you go buy-"

"Don't say it Renji-"

"In Soul Society, most women prefer using their own cloth-"

"RENJI!"

Ichigo sighed heavily as he glanced around, checking to see if anyone was looking. With trembling fingers, he slowly raised his hand towards the shelf.

"Oi Ichigo…"

He instantly withdrew his hand, staring at Renji with annoyance.

"What!?" Ichigo replied heatedly. Renji's eyes were narrowed as he continued to stare at the packaging.

"These things can fly?" He asked, pointing at it.

"Wait… what?"

"They have wings." He added simply.

Ichigo gawked at him for a moment. Renji noticed his expression and flushed lightly.

"Just grab one of them." Renji continued, staring angrily at his expression. He started to reach up for one. "I mean how hard can it-"

"Abrarai? Ichigo?" A familiar voice said, causing him to quickly withdraw his hand. "What are you two doing here?"

Tatsuki stood there, an empty basket in the crook of her arm.

"Uh, we're here for… uhhh…" Ichigo started off.

"Rukia made Ichigo come buy her-"

"RENJI!" Ichigo yelled at him, his face turning bright red.

Tatsuki turned to Ichigo, a smirk on her face as she walked up to him. He scowled at her, seemingly daring her to say something.

"You're so whipped." She said, a sly smile on her face.

Ichigo stared at her defiantly.

"Am not! I'll have you know-"

"I'll buy it for you, just tell me what size." Tatsuki finished, getting a surprised look from Ichigo.

"Thanks Tatsuki…" He muttered.

Renji put a hand under his chin.

"If you're here…" He started off. Tatsuki slowly turned to him, while Ichigo waved his hands subtly, signaling him to abort. "That means you're either on _it_, or you're about to get it-"

With one clean punch from Tatsuki, Renji was knocked into the shelf. Several items fell on him, covering him. Tatsuki casually picked up two of them and walked towards the cashier. Ichigo walked over to Renji, scratching his head with a sigh.

"You shouldn't have said that." Ichigo said sympathetically.

Renji groaned in reply.

"_Clean up in aisle 9." _

On their way back, Ichigo hid the package under his shirt, keeping it away from view. As they walked, Renji massaged his chest area, his own expression holding a deep scowl. He winced lightly as he felt a soft spot.

"I think she broke a rib." He said with a scowl.

"Don't be a cry baby, Renji." Ichigo replied with a scowl of his own. "I've experienced much worse."

As they walked up to the door, Ichigo reached inside his pockets for his keys. Before he could unlock the door, someone else was already opening it. When the door had swung open, Rukia stood in the doorway.

"Back already?" Rukia asked, her violet eyes bright with curiosity.

Ichigo grudgingly took the package out from under his shirt, thrusting it into her arms. Rukia stared at him surprised before opening the bag to look at it.

Her eyes narrowed as she stared at it. Renji cautiously took a few steps back.

"What's wrong?" Ichigo asked.

"You fool!" She yelled. "I specifically asked for the Chappy brand!"

Ichigo's eyes widened as Rukia pulled it back and threw it against his head, knocking him right off his feet. The innards of the package broke free of the plastic wrapping and flew all around.

"Go back there and buy the right kind!" Rukia yelled as she slammed the door. Ichigo continued to lay still on the floor.

Renji watched the little items around them fall to the ground.

"I guess they don't fly."

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Fin! 

I had fun writing that, so I hope you had fun reading it! Toss me a review if you feel like it - as long as you enjoyed it, it doesn't really matter much else to me!


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